Nikolas sure does know about the website. the current status of the website is like. " . . . oh"
but he's known about it since way before it was anything close to that! THE WEBSITE EXISTS BECAUSE HE HAD TO KEEP CHECKING IT. I don't know if you saw his thread with Kaoru in the truth post but Kaoru was like "oh you've fallen for him quickly" and Nikolas was like "I have not!" and then immediately was like "oh it actually let me say that okay good." Because he wasn't sure. He's known for quite a while that having sex with Gil is really different from having sex with anyone else--actually he figured that out at the party iirc when he was feeling not really in the mood for sex and then they went off and he ended up having sex with him, because as he mentioned at the time, "not in the mood" isn't the same as "not in the mood for Gilbert" AND THAT IS NOT REALLY A DISTINCTION NIKOLAS IS USED TO MAKING IN HIS LIFE.
The thing is that Nikolas actually isn't a guy who GETS intense during sex except with Winter. He definitely didn't start out intense with Gil either really. And in fact he's been put off of sex in Court that was TOO INTENSE for him before and has deliberately deflected it or reined it in some. But with Gil he started getting super spiralingly addictively into it and it wasn't just like, because it feels good, it was because he intensely cares about him as a person and loves him as a friend! I think I've talked about Nikolas as a friend before and he's definitely ICly warned Gil about himself as a friend before; he's lonely and loves people and contact, he has an addictive personality, he likes being liked and he likes pleasing people and he also relies on outside support to literally keep him sane. He has A LOT OF THAT here in Court which is why he's doing so well. And of that support Gil is the person (not counting Winter) he feels the most comfortable with and likes the most and NEEDS the most. Everyone else has a caveat of some sort! But Gil is like. He's consistent and supportive and dedicated and easy to talk to, he's relaxing and calming to be around (Nikolas is extremely drawn to people who are calming influences when his head is full of fuck), there's no feeling of obligation or debt between them. Nikolas TRUSTS Gil COMPLETELY which is not easy to pull off with him! He absolutely believes that if he ever had a minor breakdown or something and showed up drunk and insulting and a total wreck then Gil would take care of him and be concerned and not turn him away. Rather than judging him or breaking off anything they have or blowing up at him. And there are very few people in any world that Nikolas will let himself believe he has that kind of support from.
THE POINT BEING that for all kinds of reasons Nikolas utterly adores Gil as a friend which for him is already enough to get him to clingy, protective, possessive levels with you. But then they also have this sort of. Mutual feedback loop when it comes to their relationship where they both kind of get off on clingy protective possessive and it led to them having a sex life that Nikolas knows damn well feels a lot like the sex life you have with someone you actually love. He has had the buffer of Winter and all so in a way at first it was kind of like. Almost an emotion play kink, because there was that separation of "Well, I definitely don't feel for him like I do for Winter (which is still true), I love Winter, I don't love him, bbbbut there's definitely something different and more between us and I don't want to stop because it feels good and it's totally safe because it's NOT LOVE HA!" Gil is in love with two other guys and I'm in love with one other guy and we all know it so that's cool sure let's just keep doing this thing we're doing that's getting more and more. Openly discussing how possessive we are and how attached we are and how important the other is RIGHT SURE . . .
He also spent a long time not being at all jealous of Hatter or Oz or anyone else but he finally slipped into being a little jealous which he noticed in himself and it was another nail in the coffin. He's well aware he's in a very different category than Oz or Hatter in the same way Gil's in a very different category from Winter! And he doesn't want or expect to ever be elevated to that status so it's hard to be jealous of it. And he doesn't actually know about Yuri. If he did he'd be jealous as fuck though and probably kinda p/a at Yuri if they ever met (they haven't). (He'd be even worse if he knew Yuri's propositioned Winter too l o l.) Anyway he realized first that he was jealous of any hypothetical casual sex partners, as he mentioned in the truth thread, and then finally after that he realized he actually is also a tiny bit jealous of Hatter and Oz. Not a lot and not enough that he'll p/a at Hatter but he has a sense now of "I wish he were mine (just as a friend though!!) and that won't ever happen because he is theirs and that's mostly okay but it's a little tiny bit not okay sometimes!"
Much like Gil though as long as he has his own space and his own role and no one else encroaches on it (the role of "best friend you also have intense feelingsy sex with") he's all right. The role of BEING OZ is super different and Nikolas doesn't want it, and he's dubious about Hatter's role and a little worried for Gil re: that so that he definitely doesn't want. Just his own. IT WOULD JUST BE A LITTLE NICER IF ALSO MINE MINE MINE MMMMINE
also Nikolas is a stupid shit and sometimes he'll be going about his day and something will remind him Gil exists and it makes him a little happier (see above with Damarhis lol) and he's finally noticed that he's a stupid shit. wow is he
He's not in mad obsessive love with him like he is with Winter and the feelings are different anyway! Which is why he didn't notice for so long that fluttery teenager crush + deep respectful friendship love = ???????? and he's still not quite sure where things stand. But that stuff plus the stuff right now in the threesome has tipped him off that Something. Some Thing! (which he assumes is not reciprocated lol.)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-10-30 06:51 pm (UTC)Nikolas sure does know about the website. the current status of the website is like. " . . . oh"
but he's known about it since way before it was anything close to that! THE WEBSITE EXISTS BECAUSE HE HAD TO KEEP CHECKING IT. I don't know if you saw his thread with Kaoru in the truth post but Kaoru was like "oh you've fallen for him quickly" and Nikolas was like "I have not!" and then immediately was like "oh it actually let me say that okay good." Because he wasn't sure. He's known for quite a while that having sex with Gil is really different from having sex with anyone else--actually he figured that out at the party iirc when he was feeling not really in the mood for sex and then they went off and he ended up having sex with him, because as he mentioned at the time, "not in the mood" isn't the same as "not in the mood for Gilbert" AND THAT IS NOT REALLY A DISTINCTION NIKOLAS IS USED TO MAKING IN HIS LIFE.
The thing is that Nikolas actually isn't a guy who GETS intense during sex except with Winter. He definitely didn't start out intense with Gil either really. And in fact he's been put off of sex in Court that was TOO INTENSE for him before and has deliberately deflected it or reined it in some. But with Gil he started getting super spiralingly addictively into it and it wasn't just like, because it feels good, it was because he intensely cares about him as a person and loves him as a friend! I think I've talked about Nikolas as a friend before and he's definitely ICly warned Gil about himself as a friend before; he's lonely and loves people and contact, he has an addictive personality, he likes being liked and he likes pleasing people and he also relies on outside support to literally keep him sane. He has A LOT OF THAT here in Court which is why he's doing so well. And of that support Gil is the person (not counting Winter) he feels the most comfortable with and likes the most and NEEDS the most. Everyone else has a caveat of some sort! But Gil is like. He's consistent and supportive and dedicated and easy to talk to, he's relaxing and calming to be around (Nikolas is extremely drawn to people who are calming influences when his head is full of fuck), there's no feeling of obligation or debt between them. Nikolas TRUSTS Gil COMPLETELY which is not easy to pull off with him! He absolutely believes that if he ever had a minor breakdown or something and showed up drunk and insulting and a total wreck then Gil would take care of him and be concerned and not turn him away. Rather than judging him or breaking off anything they have or blowing up at him. And there are very few people in any world that Nikolas will let himself believe he has that kind of support from.
THE POINT BEING that for all kinds of reasons Nikolas utterly adores Gil as a friend which for him is already enough to get him to clingy, protective, possessive levels with you. But then they also have this sort of. Mutual feedback loop when it comes to their relationship where they both kind of get off on clingy protective possessive and it led to them having a sex life that Nikolas knows damn well feels a lot like the sex life you have with someone you actually love. He has had the buffer of Winter and all so in a way at first it was kind of like. Almost an emotion play kink, because there was that separation of "Well, I definitely don't feel for him like I do for Winter (which is still true), I love Winter, I don't love him, bbbbut there's definitely something different and more between us and I don't want to stop because it feels good and it's totally safe because it's NOT LOVE HA!" Gil is in love with two other guys and I'm in love with one other guy and we all know it so that's cool sure let's just keep doing this thing we're doing that's getting more and more. Openly discussing how possessive we are and how attached we are and how important the other is RIGHT SURE . . .
He also spent a long time not being at all jealous of Hatter or Oz or anyone else but he finally slipped into being a little jealous which he noticed in himself and it was another nail in the coffin. He's well aware he's in a very different category than Oz or Hatter in the same way Gil's in a very different category from Winter! And he doesn't want or expect to ever be elevated to that status so it's hard to be jealous of it. And he doesn't actually know about Yuri. If he did he'd be jealous as fuck though and probably kinda p/a at Yuri if they ever met (they haven't). (He'd be even worse if he knew Yuri's propositioned Winter too l o l.) Anyway he realized first that he was jealous of any hypothetical casual sex partners, as he mentioned in the truth thread, and then finally after that he realized he actually is also a tiny bit jealous of Hatter and Oz. Not a lot and not enough that he'll p/a at Hatter but he has a sense now of "I wish he were mine (just as a friend though!!) and that won't ever happen because he is theirs and that's mostly okay but it's a little tiny bit not okay sometimes!"
Much like Gil though as long as he has his own space and his own role and no one else encroaches on it (the role of "best friend you also have intense feelingsy sex with") he's all right. The role of BEING OZ is super different and Nikolas doesn't want it, and he's dubious about Hatter's role and a little worried for Gil re: that so that he definitely doesn't want. Just his own. IT WOULD JUST BE A LITTLE NICER IF ALSO MINE MINE MINE MMMMINE
also Nikolas is a stupid shit and sometimes he'll be going about his day and something will remind him Gil exists and it makes him a little happier (see above with Damarhis lol) and he's finally noticed that he's a stupid shit. wow is he
He's not in mad obsessive love with him like he is with Winter and the feelings are different anyway! Which is why he didn't notice for so long that fluttery teenager crush + deep respectful friendship love = ???????? and he's still not quite sure where things stand. But that stuff plus the stuff right now in the threesome has tipped him off that Something. Some Thing! (which he assumes is not reciprocated lol.)
I'M PROBABLY MISSING STUFF . . .