[His laughter ebbs, and he lifts his face to look at Winter properly again, right in the eyes. He burns to look away, save some face in his embarrassment and the overwhelming tide of his emotions—his eyes are prickling with them, even though there's no sorrow in him now—but he forces himself not to. He owes Winter at least that much honesty.
And more, really. Nikolas's grip loosens to something more comfortable.]
Winter. . . . I had planned to learn how to be a better man first. I did not want to burden you with taking me on, the way I am now. Improved, yes, but not so far as you deserve. Not after everything. Are you certain you would not rather wait for something better, even if that thing is myself, a few months or years from now? I want nothing more than this, but you know I am a selfish man. I always have been! That I will never rid myself of.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-12-24 02:13 am (UTC)[His laughter ebbs, and he lifts his face to look at Winter properly again, right in the eyes. He burns to look away, save some face in his embarrassment and the overwhelming tide of his emotions—his eyes are prickling with them, even though there's no sorrow in him now—but he forces himself not to. He owes Winter at least that much honesty.
And more, really. Nikolas's grip loosens to something more comfortable.]
Winter. . . . I had planned to learn how to be a better man first. I did not want to burden you with taking me on, the way I am now. Improved, yes, but not so far as you deserve. Not after everything. Are you certain you would not rather wait for something better, even if that thing is myself, a few months or years from now? I want nothing more than this, but you know I am a selfish man. I always have been! That I will never rid myself of.